This is an immensely personal post, which, however, I am more than glad to share.
The highlight of the Good Friday service for me today was the Veneration of the Cross, and that is because I did something I rarely do. I rarely take time to reflect on the wonder of the wooden cross, and how (and why) an object so mundane has become the symbol of my redemption and salvation.
During the veneration of the cross, every member of the congregation processes forward to a wooden cross to pay respect in a number of ways- genuflecting, bowing, touching, or kissing the cross.
And today, during the Veneration, I wept my eyes out. I don’t remember ever crying in church because I was particularly touched by anything. So, you can imagine my utter shock and embarrassment and I began to cry as I prayed.
It was even more funny because yesterday, I poked fun at my friend who was teary eyed thinking about the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. And today, it was my turn to be emotional and and it hit hard! I thought about all the wonderful things that God has done for me, and how I can never merit the gift of salvation even if I die, because I have been made imperfect by sin.
For my personal redemption, God sent his son, who was without sin, to die for my own sins (which I still commit by the way).
And as this dawned on me, the floodgates opened and I cried and cried and cried like never before.
At first, it was a gentle sob, and then it became audible, especially as I walked to “venerate the cross”. At my turn, I couldn’t even bring myself to touch the cross- I just stood there and cried and turned to return to my seat because I was holding up the line.
Even when it was time to receive communion, I started to think about the blessing of receiving the body and blood of Jesus Christ that I was almost too overwhelmed to place the wafer in my mouth.
All through, I kept repeating the following words’ “Lord, I love you”, and I realized how desperately I want to live my life entirely to the glory of God, and the fact that I cannot do this on my own, and I am helpless but for the Grace of Jesus.
Why is this Significant to me?
First, I’ve never felt so emotional at mass, although Mass has always been a deeply personal sacrifice for me- I went pretty much everyday when I was in catholic boarding school. Mass was not mandatory, but it really was my favorite part of the day!
In addition, I believe that The Lord is teaching me to appreciate the mystery of the Holy Eucharist, as he reveals more of Himself to me. I am also coming closer to understanding Grace- I cannot even ask to fully grasp the concept of grace because God’s thoughts cannot be compressed for my understanding. But I do want to get to a point where I am completely in awe of the Grace of God over my life. I want to walk in the knowledge that I operate in the mercy of God because He has poured out his love unreservedly for me.
What am I sharing?
My experience was simply too beautiful. I physically felt the emotion in my soul- I am appreciating what Jesus did on the cross for me, people! I am beyond excited.
Thank you for reading!
P/s- my March update will be titled “Testimonies” so you know now that my month was littered with testimonies! Who is wonderful? Jesus!
Image from here