Christianity is a lot of hard work. When are called to subject ourselves to painful undertakings such as sleeplessness, different kinds of fasts, and just plain hard work. The beauty in all of this, I believe, is the fact that Jesus already paid the ultimate price. And even as God, He suffered once for all-imagine being sinless yet having to die in the most cruel way possible. The Bible says that He was so distressed about his crucifixion that His sweat was like drops of blood.
So when I feel that my walk with God is becoming very demanding, I try my hardest to accept whatever lessons I’m learning with a (sometimes) forced smile on my face.
Here is a prime example- last month, I began to pray more fervently for God to prune me, and for the Holy Spirit to convict me of habits and thoughts that were contrary to God’s will. It’s been anything but an easy process- here is a sample conversation:
Me- (while watching a video filmed on Spain’s highest mountain) Lord, wow, this video is so beautiful, I can only imagine how much more beautiful it would be if I had a Macbook pro (I use a three-year old PC and I’ve been believing the Lord for a new computer but the finances aren’t answering yet).
Him- Well, it’s not really about the laptop, it’s about the eyes I’ve given you
Me- Aww, that’s really sweet (two seconds later). Wait, but you’re still going to give me the laptop right?Him- …………
I keep having conversations with Him. I keep writing Him love letters. I keep talking with Him as I walk around my school campus. I’m sharing my deepest darkest secrets with Him (not like He did not know, it’s more about me inviting Him into my life- completely and without reserve. And yes, He had been responding. Here is another conversation:
Me- Wow, Lord, see how happy these people all look. I’m just the girl here that’s dealing with ___*something really painful that happened two months ago which I’m still recovering from*
Him- Yes, that’s true, but you’re so much more than your pain. You’re my daughter, and I love you.
That was enough to shut me up for a long time.
From both scenarios, I believe that God is teaching me to shift the focus from myself. He is teaching me to trust in Him, to look to Him, and to wait on Him.
On a somewhat related note, I’ve also been asking God to help me overcome pride and self-righteousness. When I was about 14 years old, my friends told me, in the most loving way possible, that I was self-righteous. That comment crushed my spirit and as much as I became more cognizant of my actions, I felt very sad because I was trying my hardest to be right- to do right by God in every single thing I did. Perhaps I was going about everything in the wrong way.
Recently, while we were praying for a Christian event we hosted on my school campus, a friend of mine made the following statement- “Lord, may me measure the success of this event not by the number of people who show up, but by our obedience to you”. That statement stuck with me, and has literally become my mantra- may I measure everything that happens in my life by my complete and unreserved obedience to you.
I’m learning a lot about spiritual humility- accepting that it’s not about me and my struggles but it’s all about God. It’s all about Him and how obedient and responsive we are to His call.
I feel like my thoughts were not very coherent in this piece. But that’s okay, this post will convict people not because of the wisdom (or lack thereof) in this post, but by the power of the Holy Spirit.
It’s all about God- always has been, is, and always will be.