I just came back from the most amazing weekend trip. I attended a conference at the Revival City Church somewhere in London. Somewhere in between screaming at the top of my lungs in prayer, weeping in worship, and listening to the Word of God, I was reminded of who I am.
Over the past one year, so much has happened in my transition to Dublin and life as an adult that I’ve sometimes felt very out of sync with my heart, and with the things that I honestly love and that my heart beats for.
This morning, while getting ready to leave my house for the office, I had an interesting thought. I thought about how some time ago, waking up and coming to work felt like the most dreary thing to do. I’d ask myself every morning- “Is this real life? Waking up to read my bible, then bath, and leave for the office?”
As much as I loved my job, and I love my life, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that there was more. More to do, more to be, more to see, more love to give.
Today as I was preparing to leave, I didn’t have that thought. I felt at peace. Completely at peace with where I am, and what I’m doing, and this phase of my life. I don’t know how long I’ll stay in Dublin, or work at my current job, but I do know that this is where the Lord has placed me, and He’s with me.
I’ve always known that, but I’m coming to understand it in a much deeper sense recently.
I’m currently reading a book called “Hiding From Love” by Dr. John Townsend. He’s one of the co-authors of the widely popular christian book “Boundaries in Dating.”
Right now, I’m in the chapter that talks about our need for separateness and boundaries. Here’s one of the paragraphs that’s convicting me-
“People with unclear boundaries can find themselves making commitments under pressure that they would never make with a clear head. They find themselves “caving in” to others. They have trouble speaking their mind. They are afraid to be honest and tell the truth. They often can’t protect themselves in injurious situations, such a being wrongly criticized. They are unable to stand firm and separate with their values, as Joshua did when he declared ‘as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.’
“Unclear boundaries can also lead to a lack of direction in life. Boundaries are the conveyors of our personal power. People whose boundaries are underdeveloped find themselves floating along in their careers or relationships with no sense of initiative or goals.”
I was so convicted by that paragraph I almost shed a tear right as I read.
I think that once in a while, it’s important to take some time to recalibrate and refocus. It’s important to think critically and deeply about where we’ve been and also think about how those events or changes have affected us.
I don’t fully know if I am ready to assess all my more recent relationships and decisions to figure out whether I’ve had strong enough boundaries or not. But I can say that on a general assessment, I think I could do much better with my boundaries. Especially with keeping things out. And honoring myself enough to do only the things that I deeply and truly want to do. And in the same vein, I can put boundaries on my own feelings so that I have enough discipline to do the things that will really build my person and character, and not merely those that I may “feel” like doing.
That’s it for today.
I promise to be more consistent. Because truly, blogging makes me really happy.
Featured image from here.